Tea with Mr. B: Tea Time with Tesla
When Nikola Tesla stumbles into Mr. B.E. Gladwrap’s glitchy tea parlor, reality bends—sparking time distortions, electric chaos, and a few well-placed jabs at Edison. Can the inventor resist tinkering with a pocket watch that defies time itself?⚡☕
This story is just a small part of the tale. New episodes stream on Mondays.
Some visitors arrive in glitch space by invitation. Others… simply fall through the cracks.
When Nikola Tesla stumbled into Mr. B.E. Gladwrap’s glitch-parlor, it was unclear which category he belonged to. One moment, the tea room was its usual, cozy-yet-chaotic self—half Victorian study, half neon dreamscape. The next, the air crackled, static fizzed, and a thin, wild-haired man materialized mid-step, looking as if he had just walked through the center of a lightning storm.
Tesla barely reacted. His sharp eyes darted around the shifting scenery, his fingers twitching with calculations unseen.
“Ah! A frequency disturbance—no, something beyond even the aether. Tell me, sir, what powers this space?”
Mr. B.E. Gladwrap, ever the gracious host, simply poured tea.
“Mostly whimsy. Some static interference. A dash of dramatic irony.”
Tesla was already pacing, his coat flaring with each step. “Fascinating. An entire plane of existence built on flux. But not Edison’s work, surely?” He turned, giving Mr. B a scrutinizing look. “Too elegant. Too refined.”
Mr. B sipped his tea and gave a knowing nod. “If Edison had built this place, it’d be coin-operated and prone to catching fire.”
Tesla let out a sharp, delighted laugh. “Yes, yes! Precisely!” He ran a hand through his static-charged hair, eyes gleaming. “That charlatan! He stole my designs, tarnished my name—did you know he electrocuted an elephant just to discredit alternating current?”
“Oh, I know,” Mr. B said. “Truly a man of questionable hobbies.”
Tesla huffed but quickly became distracted. The scientist in him couldn’t resist experimenting—he dipped a teaspoon into his tea, as if testing its conductivity. Mr. B.E. Gladwrap, not particularly in the mood for an electrical incident, was about to intervene when a familiar flicker of purple appeared.
“Give him this,” Glitch Bunny said lazily, tossing Tesla a pocket watch dripping with raw glitch energy.
Tesla caught the watch midair. The moment his fingers touched it, the device let out a deep, reverberating hum, its hands ticking in nonlinear time. Instead of marking seconds, it seemed to track possibilities—events that might have been, or never were.
Tesla inhaled sharply. “Ah-ha! A machine with infinite potential! A chronometric anomaly that exists outside time itself!”
Glitch Bunny sipped their tea, unimpressed. “Yeah, yeah. Just don’t break it.”
Naturally, Tesla ignored that warning.
His fingers danced over the watch’s gears, tweaking, adjusting—until suddenly, the entire tea parlor lurched. The walls wobbled, colors inverted, and time itself hiccupped.
The first shift came suddenly.
The room dissolved, replaced by a grand, dazzling landscape of electric blue light. Tesla blinked, then let out an unmistakable, self-satisfied grin.
“Ah! My triumph,” he murmured.
They stood at the Chicago World’s Fair, just as Tesla’s alternating current system illuminated the night in a grand spectacle. Thousands of bulbs glowed, humming with wireless energy.
In the distance, a younger version of Tesla stood on a stage, conducting arcs of lightning with his bare hands.
Mr. B stirred his tea. “Ah, yes. Back when science had a little more showbiz flair.”
Tesla smirked. “Edison never dared anything so magnificent.” His expression darkened. “He preferred his cheap parlor tricks—did you know he once tried to electrocute a man on death row to prove his method was superior?”
“Oh, I know,” Mr. B said again. “Truly a man of questionable hobbies.”
Tesla huffed but quickly became distracted. The watch was still in his hands, ticking wildly, unstable. Before he could correct it, glitch space shuddered again—
Suddenly, the parlor was filled with pigeons.
They flapped, cooed, and nestled in the teacups. Tesla, completely unfazed, gently extended a hand. A single white pigeon fluttered to his arm, looking at him with deep, intelligent eyes.
Mr. B gently shooed a pigeon off his plate. “Is this… one of your labs?”
Tesla’s voice softened. “No. This is where I kept my greatest love.”
A pause.
Glitch Bunny leaned over to Mr. B. “This just got weirdly sentimental.”
Before anyone could recover, the room glitched again. The pigeons vanished. In their place, stacks of burning patents flickered into existence, flames licking at the edges.
Tesla blinked, then clapped his hands in delight.
“Ah! One of my favorite memories.” He grinned. “Edison tried to file fraudulent patents against me—but he underestimated my genius.”
Mr. B watched flames devour legal documents and took another sip of tea.
“Well,” he said, “if you can’t innovate… litigate.”
Tesla cackled with pure joy.
Finally, the Glitch Machine sputtered, stuttered, and settled back into its normal, ticking state. The tea parlor returned to its usual mildly chaotic stability.
Tesla, looking far too pleased with himself, pulled a tea-stained napkin from the table and hastily scribbled something. A rough sketch—a blueprint of sorts.
He handed it to Mr. B.
“This may help,” he said. “Or it may rip a hole in space-time. Either way—exciting, no?”
Mr. B examined the napkin. “I’ll be sure to use it responsibly.”
Glitch Bunny raised an eyebrow. “That’s a lie.”
With a final crackle of static, Tesla faded out of glitch space, vanishing into the timestream.
Mr. B and Glitch Bunny exchanged glances. Then they looked at the napkin.
Silence.
Then—
“Should we build it?” Mr. B asked.
Glitch Bunny tapped a finger against their pocket watch. “What’s life without a little chaos?”
A hum. A flicker of sparking wires.
Somewhere, in the depths of glitch space, a machine began to stir.
End Scene.
Tesla’s genius may have been underappreciated in his own time, but his legacy still sparks curiosity today. For more on the man, his inventions, and the myths surrounding him, check out the documentary “Nikola Tesla – The Man Who Electrified The World”.
One thing’s for certain—never give a time-disrupting pocket watch to Nikola Tesla.
Ready to step into the whimsical world of glitch space? Shop for unique wearable art inspired by Georgie Lugh, Bad Bella, and the whole Lapis Lazuli Life cast at our Threadless store. You can also stream Tales from Mr. B.E. Gladwrap by searching “Gladwrap” on your favorite podcast platform or on RedCircle. Explore, express, and embrace the chaos!